What keeps you up at night?
I am going to be 30 in a week. Leaving my twenties isn’t scary in itself. What worries me is whether the window to have done something remarkable has closed.
I don’t want to end up with just an ordinary life. I want to leave a mark. Create something. Do important work.
The thought of none of the above happening is what keeps me up. The thought of failing.
What do you consider remarkable or important work?
I value creativity, independence and ownership. I feel this urge to create. To look inward and to express it outwardly.
If I can make a living creating value through the act of creation I would consider it important and remarkable.
Can you create something remarkable without getting paid for it?
I guess I could.
It’s not about money though really. It’s about time.
I work 8-10 hours a day. This really limits the amount of time I can explore creative outlets for self expression. If I can get paid to create then I can just spend my time creating stuff.
It’s never really been about money for me. Its been about having the luxury of time to explore. Right now I don’t feel like I have much of that because of my job.
Do you not feel you aren’t doing remarkable important work at your job?
I sometimes feel like I do. And sometimes I don’t.
I work for an international bank as a Data Architect. I leverage the banks data to deliver insights that can be exploited. There is a fair bit of creativity and autonomy involved.
I don’t have a set start and end time. I can work from home whenever I want.So the schedule is fairly flexible but I do average over 40 hours a week. I can contribute ideas and find creative solutions to the banks problems. So yes there is creativity that I exercise regularly.
However, I also spend a lot of time in meetings that I would rather not attend, reading emails that I would rather not read and worrying about deadlines. The work keeps piling on and getting things done trump finding new ways to do things. There is a lot of bureaucracy and admin work to stay on top of as well. So a good chunk of the work is the opposite of what I consider creative.
The projects I work on are definitely important from the bank’s perspective. But, they aren’t personally important to me. The work I do belongs to the bank. I don’t have complete ownership. It’s not on my terms. I can leave and someone else can take my place and it won’t make a difference to the bank in the grand scheme of things.
If you could leave your job now what would you do?
That’s what I’m trying to figure out. That’s sort of why I started this WordPress blog in the first place.
I always liked writing. So I figured if I keep writing my thoughts, feelings and aspirations then maybe I’ll uncover a pattern.
I also write down 10 ideas a day. I was posting them up here but started to just do it in Evernote. I’m hoping that doing these things might bring me closer to what I want to do.
We should continue this another time. It’s getting late and you look tired.
You’re right. I am beat. Goodnight